Fighting Words

I would never claim to be a grammar expert.  Fine, that's not true; I would claim that, but I would be wrong.  Maybe.  However, I've been around long enough to have certain grammar/spelling pet peeves, and the it's/its phenomenon is right up there at the top of my list.  If I had a penny for every time I saw a sign--some obviously professionally done and others not so high-budget--with the it's/its error, I'd have over 57 pennies.  Which wouldn't be enough to buy much, but it would be heavy.  And I'd be angry about having to carry around so many pennies.

Still, the quickest way to start a fight with me is not to make the it's/its mistake.  It's to accuse me of not knowing the proper way to use those words.  Don't believe someone could get so mad about something so seemingly trivial?  Well, then explain how, when I thought about this old blog post today, my fists instinctively clenched.  I'm not saying it's a good thing.  I don't think I could find even one person who'd say it's a good thing.  But it's the truth.  In all its glory.

An Undeniable Way With Words

Few writers (if any) have ever used made-up words as fluently as Dr. Seuss. For that reason and many others--including a little book called The Lorax, my personal favorite--I was delighted to see that I hadn't yet read all the doctor had prescribed.

Turns out there's a brand new collection of rarely read stories (available today, but sold out on Amazon till Friday).  I won't even try to pretend I'm just buying it for my nephew.

How to Self-Publish Words

I can't tell you how many times I've thought about self-publishing...because I can't count that high.  At the rate I'm going, I wouldn't be at all surprised if one day I dove head-first into that world (well, based on my diving abilities, I guess it would have to be more like a belly-flop, but that doesn't sound nearly as fun).  In case you're getting ready to take the plunge, check out these 25 things you should know before you even dip your toes in.

By the time I got down to #25, I was thinking maybe I didn't really want to go in the water anyway because it looks pretty cold and it might be nicer to just sit on the edge for a while.  But I'm glad I read the article because that still sounds better than jumping off the high dive, blindfolded, into a pool of sharks.  (I'm not a fan of seafood.)

In Between Words

Happy National Punctuation Day!  I'm sure you're as excited about it as I am.  To celebrate, why don't you visit the links below and have some fun with punctuation?  Or don't.  I don't care how you spend the day as long as you don't spend it sticking extra apostrophes in everywhere and omitting periods.  That's just not cool, buddy.

How Cake Wrecks celebrates!

How The Oatmeal celebrates!

How you can celebrate!

Long Overdue Words

When I opened my mailbox today and saw an envelope with my address written in my handwriting, for a second there I was very intrigued.  Did I send myself a letter from the future?  That would be so cool (and kind of scary).  But no.  It was a rejection letter from a publishing company for a book proposal I had sent in...over a year earlier.

We very much appreciate the submisison of your book idea to Sourcebooks.  Like most publishing houses, we receive several thousand solicited and unsolicited book ideas and manuscripts every year.  However, we publish fewer than 200 titles per year.  As a result, we are forced to reject the vast majority of the books submitted.

 I work in publishing.  I understand completely what the letter actually means:

We do not appreciate the submission of your book idea to Sourcebooks at all.  Unlike most publishing houses, we still haven't taken out that clause about accepting unsolicited manuscripts, so we receive thousands of piles of crap every year.  However, we only publish the books that have been pitched by agents, or that have previously been blogs.  As a result, we decided to let your submission get lost until our diligent summer intern found it and we were forced to do the right thing by responding.

I actually did appreciate the other rejection letters I got in a timely manner--and again, I work in publishing, so I say a few months is timely.  But sorry, Sourcebooks, 13 months is not.  So don't be surprised if, when I become a professional writer with an agent, I am forced to not submit anything to you.

A Picture's Worth a Thousand Words

But when in doubt, you might as well throw some words in, too.

The Best Way to Have Words

My new next-door neighbor plays his music loudly and the bass pounds right through the wall.  My boyfriend suggested I write him a note, but I told him that was a terrible, passive-aggressive, and slightly creepy idea, and that it would be more effective to just go talk to the guy.  So I did, and it was quiet for 3 days before the banging began again.

The next time I talked to my neighbor about the noise, it was quiet for two weeks.  Now it's started again.  I don't know if it's his bad memory, or that he's convinced he's playing his music quietly, or that he just really wants to drive me crazy, but if it's the last one, it's working.

So I'm starting to reconsider the note idea, but I think it's probably too late to go with my boyfriend's original suggestion:

Dear neighbor:
Your music is too loud.
From: an anonymous neighbor in your building (but I won't tell you who)

I don't know, I just think he'd figure out who wrote it.  Although, if his memory really is that bad, maybe not.

Reading Words: You Don't Love This Man

You Don't Love This Man
Dan DeWeese, 2011

I always cringe a little when I hear, "Write what you know," because I feel like there are probably many wonderful stories we're missing out on about the things people don't know.  But "Read what you know"--that I can get behind.  Words mean so much more to me when they feel like they were written to me, or about someone just like me.

So why, when I read this book, did I feel the whole time that it was baring my own soul?  I'm not a middle-aged man.  I didn't get a girl pregnant at age 17.  My daughter isn't getting married to my old friend.  Yet somehow, I felt the slow, numbing thought process of a man who is looking back on his life and wondering not how he got to where he is today, but whether another outcome could have been possible.

I know why, of course.  It's because good writers can make you feel however they want to; in this case, I'm a divorced father who isn't sure he's doing a very good job at his life.  Depressing concept, sure, but a pretty enjoyable read.

Numbers are Words, Too

Even though it's been happening ever since I've been aware of my senses, it always surprises me that we can have such a strong association related to a certain smell.  It's the same way with songs.  When I hear "You Shook Me All Night Long," I'm instantly transported back to the Homecoming dance, senior year of high school, where my soon-to-be-boyfriend and I danced together to that song.

So even though it shouldn't surprise me that it surprises me, it's a little awe-inspiring to realize that two simple numbers can stir up such powerful emotions in an entire country.  I wasn't in NYC for 9/11, but I was today, and although I know I could never really comprehend the feelings that were felt that day, because of the shared memories conjured up by the mere mention of the date, I feel I can almost understand the terror, disbelief, and horrible grief so many people experienced.  Luckily for me, no one I knew was directly affected by those attacks, but because of the everlasting effects of that day 10 years ago, the numbers will forever have an effect on us all.  Words are powerful.  But the emotions they inspire are even stronger.

Use Your Words

But use them wisely. Otherwise, you'll end up posting a sign like this:

One thing we can all agree on: Must be fail.

Words as Weapons

Everyone knows the pen is mightier than the sword, but did you know that silkscreen is mightier than the smart parent?  I know it sounds crazy, but it must be true.  Why else would the entire country be in such an uproar over the words on a shirt sold at JCPenney?  Clearly it's because those words proclaiming that pretty girls shouldn't (can't?  Depends on which rant you're reading) do homework are dangerous to women everywhere.   I mean, I get it.  First you put a harmless saying on a shirt and expect people to just choose not to buy it if they don't support its message.  What's next?  Letting people write whatever they want online in blogs? 

We can't expect young girls to have someone in their lives--who buys their clothes--who could counteract the most offensive phrase ever displayed on a shirt by telling their daughters, "Actually, sweetie, you can be both smart and pretty, even though this shirt I'm not going to let you wear says otherwise."  That would be asking too much of parents; they're busy people.  I'm surprised at you, JCPenney.  You really should know better.